Practical Help for Suicide Survivors

In the days since our pastor and his wife lost their son to suicide, I have been thrown back to my own experience with losing Kiley. I have had a few people ask me how they could help this family and my first thought has been that nothing at all helps. This isn't entirely true...and I thought I would leave you guys a few things that did, indeed, help me when I was thrown into the pit of anguish. They may or may not help other suicide survivors, but I thought it might be helpful to have some ideas.

There are many emotions that course through your veins when you hear the news and in the months to follow. The first is shock. This lasts a long time. Everything feels surreal. While you are experiencing shock, other things come as well. Anger at the person that abandoned you. Feelings of rejection. Confusion towards God and His plan. A feeling of a negative stigma that now surrounds your family since suicide is seen in this way. A search for an explanation that you eventually discover will never be satiated. Emotional numbness...an inability to care or make decisions. An attack of "if onlys" will harass the mind. The pain is indescribable...so much so that you perceive a lack of social support, simply because you know no one else truly feels the way you do nor can they understand.

There are things that helped me process my grief. Some practical things that helped me and might help others include:
1. Remember the date of the month that the person died. (If it was the 13th, then make a specific point to call or email or just say that you remember.) The emotions experienced on this "date" will haunt the survivor for months and maybe years later.

2. Say the suicide victim's name. If you are sending a card or an email or calling, use the person's name. Survivors want others to acknowledge that their loved one was REAL and still is REAL. It is a way of honoring the person.

3. Remember the victim's birthday. This day will be horribly hard.

4. Do something special on holidays...days like Christmas and Mother's/Father's Day may forever lose their luster.

5. Presence means more than anything that can be said. For me, just having people around me proved their love. I really didn't care about what people said...I knew there were no answers.

6. Don't forget them! If it has been 3 or 6 months, chances are that they are not indeed better, but now in the throws of grief since the shock has worn off. Continue to provide notes, calls, and your presence. They are needed at this point more than ever.

7. Pray practical verses over them. I had a horrible time with my mind afterwards...my ability to make decisions was nullified. A great verse for this is 2 Timothy 1:7..."For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and a sound mind." If you find out what their specific struggles are, then you can pray specific verses over them.

Again, these are things that helped me and may or may not apply to other survivors. If you are a suicide survivor and want to comment on something that has helped you, then please do so! You can even leave the comment anonymously if you would like.

Hope this helps!