The Holy Discontent?

It is the 900th post here at moop and saba.  I just want to thank you for coming back post after post.  Thanks for hanging with me when I am low and celebrating with me when I am giddy.  As I type away thoughts and dreams, hurts and sorrow, God seems to allow the blog to soothe my most inner soul.  My blog is a balm of Gilead of sorts.

When sucked into the mantra of wanting to make a name for myself, I often get sad and angry that I don't have many people comment.  In those selfish and sinful moments, I want to throw in the towel and wipe the blog off the map of blogworld forever.  But, then I wonder where I will write.  And I wonder if I will have to start adding counseling to the budget.  Because sometimes my heart doesn't speak until it writes.  So here is to another 900 posts...I do hope you will be with me on the journey!

Lately my heart has entered some sort of holy discontent.  I am content with the things that I am not always content with...house size, old cars, you get the picture.  But, I am restless on a different account.

God.  His Glory.  Our nation.  His Kingdom.  Our materialistic society and how much it costs to simply live in this country.  My heart breaking for what breaks His heart.  The rampant sin in this nation that is being accepted and exploited.  My heart sinking when I see how much we look like Sodom and Gomorrah.  My heart begging God to spare the righteous because I know He won't look at our sin forever.  Our days are numbered.

Did you think God would keep blessing a nation that kills the babies He lovingly creates?  Did you think God would keep smiling down on a nation that gives their wealth to entertainment instead of the advancement of His name?  Did you think God would share His glory with those who are bent on making a name for themselves?  Did you think we could truly know the One True God in a society that has stripped him bare and put him in a box? 

What if we knew the freedoms of America would only last for another year?  Would we use those freedoms to advance the gospel as quickly as possible?  Or would we continue in the self centered narcissistic path that might lead to our demise?  What exactly is it that makes our country the greatest in the world?  Is it freedom?  Should that freedom be used to set others free?  Are we blessed as a nation so that we might take the good news into the world and share the blessing and freedom that only Jesus brings?

I know this is harsh, but as I said, I have entered into some sort of holy discontent.  I know there is more out there.  I want to see God's glory on display and I sometimes wonder if the easy life this nation provides hinders that in some way.  I sometimes think that I am not sacrificing one single thing for the Kingdom of God.  And that shames me, after my Savior sacrificed everything.

I have no idea how to be part of this world and yet not of this world.  I have no idea how to live in America and not look like every other American.

Perhaps the Holy God will come speak into this heart that he has turned upside down.  "I won't relent until you have it all...my heart is yours.  Come be the fire inside of me.  Come be the flame upon my heart." *  Please don't pass me by, Lord. 

I stare at Cade's baby blanket that he still sleeps with.  It is as if 11 years haven't even gone by.  Please use us, Lord.  Time is fleeing.

*Lyrics by Jesus Culture