Marriage (#2: Give Him Freedom to Fail)

I hope you are enjoying our new little series! It is reminding me of how far I have come in this thing called marriage but I am also becoming painfully aware of how far I have to go.  Sigh.  If there wasn't always the elusive and perfect Proverbs 31 woman hanging around my neck, threatening comparison and defeat.

The last thing I want you to feel is condemnation.  Marriage is a totally God-thing.  Who else can take two polar opposites and make them one?  It was grace that united you and your man and it will be grace that will keep you two in marital peace.

Now that you have written down all your lofty expectations of your man and surrendered him completely over to the Lord, it is time for step two:  Give him the freedom to fail.

Your husband isn't your Savior.  There is only one Redeemer, and your man just didn't make the cut.  The beautiful thing about our Jesus is that He wants us not only set free from sin, but to look like Him as well.  In order for us to take on His character, we are going to have to go through some threshing.

Threshing often involves a crucifying of self, a shaking off of pride if you will. Sometimes this sanctification process comes through failing.  It can be failure in a relationship, failure in a business venture, failure in a dream or vision, failure in meeting God's standards, or failure in health.
 
And, you need to let it happen.

So many women are terrified of what might happen if their men fail, that they do everything in their power to intervene and stop it from occurring.  But, I want to warn against this because God may have something amazing to teach your husband if you just step back and stay out of the way.  God simply doesn't need a woman's intervention. Our role as supportive wives is to love unconditionally, pray, and be willing to endure if the threshing process takes longer than expected.

I always like to think of it as me being a mere spectator between God and my man in a wrestling match.  I know that if I simply pray and watch, then I can see my husband come out of the ring with a new name, just like Jacob.  Eric may come out of the ring broken, but isn't that exactly what God desires anyway? 

After Jacob's wrestling match with God, he named the place Peniel, which means "face of God."  If we don't allow this wrestling to occur, then our men might miss out on seeing the face of God!  How are our men supposed to look like God until they see what God looks like?  It takes threshing and wrestling for this to even have a chance.

So, remember step two:  Give him freedom to fail!