Altar of Remembrance

When I pulled up by myself to visit Kiley's grave last Thursday afternoon, I didn't really know what to expect. I had cried my eyes out the previous few days, so I didn't think I was about to embark on having a breakdown. The sun was out, but the wind was very cold. I wrapped myself in my coat, grabbed my camera and Bible, and headed to see "her." She has the most beautiful graveside location...it is under a tree that overlooks a pond full of ducks and turtles. (Not that she really cares, since her eyes have since beheld things we can only imagine.)

My plan was to take some pictures and then sit and read the Word. I couldn't think of a way to feel closer to her since she is in THE Word's presence very tangibly. I had planned on sitting, but the ground was wet. So, I sat on my haunches, hands shaking from the unreality of it all and the bitter chill. I had no agenda.

God did.

I like to employ the "flip" method when studying my Bible. I digress. I am a flipper. When seeking to hear from the Holy Spirit, I randomly choose a passage, praying that God might speak to me. I was so cold, and my nerves were so raw, I assure you that I wasn't really looking for God to speak to me. But, I had planned on reading the Bible, so I started flipping.

My first "random" flip landed on 2 Chronicles 20. God used this chapter powerfully last year in my life. King Jehoshaphat and the people of Judah are about to be obliterated by their enemies. God instructs them that they will not have to fight this battle. He will do it for them. They are simply to have faith, sing, and praise. After three days of carrying off the enemies' plunder, they gathered in the Valley of Beracah "Blessing" and God gave the Kingdom rest on every side.

I thought God was pretty cool to remind me of a passage so sweet on my tongue. A passage where He later on, fulfilled in my own life...giving me rest on every side.

My second "random" flip took me to Micah 4:12-13. God led me through intense study last year on the significance of the threshing floor. He showed me that through my sorrow, I was being threshed and refined. I was slowly being made into a "people invincible." He showed me that the threshing floor is where He meets with his people...and it is often very painful.

Now God was becoming not just cool, but amazing and unexpected, too.

The third "random" flip landed me at Jeremiah 29:11-14. This flip had me in tears because it was what (I knew) to be Kiley's favorite verses. She may have had many other "favorite" verses, but God knew that I knew these to be dear to her. "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God showed me that He had brought her favorite verse to fruition and completion. Nothing can harm her now. She has nothing around her to steal her hope. Her future is everlasting.

Now, God was not only cool, amazing and unexpected; He was Holy and Sovereign. He was Good.

It took me a while for all of this to soak in. When it finally started to, I began to realize the significance of what had happened that afternoon. God was reminding me to build an altar of remembrance for how He carried me through the previous year. As His children, we should keep records of His goodness and faithfulness which become markers in our walk with Him. These records point to our spiritual growth and to Jesus, Himself. These remembrances of His visitations allow us to not only praise Him for His goodness, but to also remind Him of His Promises.

I know this is getting insanely long, but I wanted to share one more thing about Jacob in the Bible. His story is in Genesis. I thought of him because I remember him setting up altars and giving them names based on what God was doing in his life. The first time I think he does this is when he has the vision of the ladder/stairway resting on the earth and reaching into heaven. Jesus is this ladder...the only way, truth and life. The only way into heaven. He names the place Bethel, "House of God."

Later on in his life, (after much hardship and wrestling with God), Jacob returns to Bethel. Genesis 35: 3 says, "Then come, let us go up to Bethel, where I will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone." He renames Bethel "El Bethel" which means "the God of the House of God."

Maybe this is a stretch, but I feel like it is what God is wanting me to see. As believers, people see us as a temple of the Holy God. After much "wrestling with God", refining and threshing, people start to see God Himself in our lives....not just His House.

My prayer before making the trip to see Kiley and my precious family was that somehow, my eyes would be fixed on Him and His Glory. I hope this post reveals a piece of His faithfulness to that prayer.

Thank you so much for your prayers for us all.

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12-13...the message)