I am bone tired weary. I have felt like my eyes could shut at any moment today and not open again for 10 hours. I am hitting the pillow very early tonight. I am emotionally and physically spent.
I had two awful dreams last week. In the first one, my dearest Mommy died. Enough said. I was going around screaming, "It's just too much, it is too much!" I just know the emotions in that dream were even beyond what I have felt with Kiley gone. I called her the next day to tell her she wasn't allowed to die...ever. (The only way I can see this to fruition is if Jesus comes to snatch us all away!) Death is such a nasty thing. No wonder the Word says we just can't understand it.
In the second dream, I found Kiley and she was alive. Alive, like on earth alive, not in heaven alive. She had faked her death and was hiding from us. She refused to go home with me to our family. I wanted to rip her hair out and tell her the grief she had caused. Finally, she broke down and told me that she had been threatened to leave and never return...and that if she returned, our family would be in danger.
Dreams are so vivid and so real and so haunting sometimes. I guess those dreams will remain with me forever. The good news is that Kiley is alive. The bad news is that my dreams will be haunted with her image until my eyes get to look upon hers once again. And that "once again" will be the start of forever again.
7 comments:
Praying for a restful nights sleep for you.
I am bone tired too...tired of the grief, the tears,sorrow,heartache,tired of pulling into the garage and seeing it all over again...tired of cleaning her room, knowing she will never return to it.
The tears just won't leave the surface, always bubbling up in my eyes at the least little thing..fighting constantly to keep them from spilling over, not usually succeeding
I have had the dream several times that she is still alive and appears and was afraid to come home that she had been hiding out somewhere. What crazy things our minds do.
I can't believe it will be a year this Friday the 13th....I keep reliving the days leading up to and the day it happened....When do the vivid memories dull? When does the pain lessen?
Can't wait to see you.
I love you, Mom
I can't even begin to imagine the pain and hurt you and your family are experiencing. So glad I got to talk with you this afternoon. You are such a dear friend, and I am lifting you and your family up in prayer.
Lord, be with this entire family. Bless them with your presence this week and this weekend. Give them peace and comfort in the midst of the pain and chaos. Give them a safe haven and wrap them up in your arms of comfort as they try to deal with their loss and the grief they're experiencing. Help this weekend to draw them closer to each other and closer to you and your glory. Make yourself known to them. Amen.
I, too, am praying that you get some good rest. I love the pics you posted of you and your sisters. I have two sisters, too...so it seems especially poignant to me.
I am praying for you all this week!
my heart hurts for you & your precious family. You will be in my prayers.
I'm so sorry. I know you are exhausted. My heart hurts for yours. I don't know if we've ever talked about this, but Mario lost his sister five years ago three months to the day after we got married. It was such a roller coaster of emotions our first year of marriage, and it still is to this day. There are some things that seems easier, but you never know when it's going to hit you again. This morning I was looking for something in my console and was digging through everything. I came across a picture of her and her son who was about the age in the picture that my little one is now. I just sat there for several minutes looking into her face and crying before I started my day. I'm so thankful that His Word says that he comes to HEAL the broken hearted. I'm praying for him to mend your broken heart and I;m so gratefl that Kiley is a child of God and that the two of you will be reunited and He will wipe away all tears.
Becke and dear Martens family - remembering you all in my prayers this week. Don't know what else to say - I siting here reading your blog and bawling like a baby - I miss her so much too!!! Love you guys! Bev
Post a Comment