Empty Handed

We sang a new song this morning. There was a line that caught me by surprise...it seemed to sum up what I have been feeling: Empty Handed.

My Mother-in-Law treated me to the opera last night. Conway Dinner Theatre put on two productions..."Gallantry" and "La Pizza Con Funghi." Both were well done and hilarious. Both left me longing for my college days when I was in opera workshop. One of the performers last night was someone I used to sing with back then! He was profoundly good...perhaps even better. He was so good, I wonder why he hasn't fled to Broadway. He also helps lead worship at Kris Allen's church. Staying "home" is probably important to him.

While listening last night, all sorts of feelings rushed to the surface. Joy at hearing gifted voices. Sadness in not being up there with them. Relief in not having to memorize lines or get nervous. A sense of loss when I approached my friend from long ago and he didn't really remember me. I guess 11 years is a long time, but, sheesh, he sang at my wedding! I guess Simon from American Idol would tell me I am forgettable. Empty handed.

But, I don't want to be forgettable. I want to make a difference in the Kingdom. I want to be able to financially give to people going to serve in India for 3 years. And yet, all I am is empty handed. It has been 7 months since we lost our main source of income. Our savings is almost gone. I am tired of waiting for the "next." God has been faithful. We haven't gone hungry. And yet, I am weary. Empty handed.

As I sat in bed last night, I was overcome with spiritual attack. Eric was out of town, and Satan was accusing me left and right. He was making me second guess myself in everything and making me feel like a huge failure. The only thing I could do was say, "Jesus." And so I said it over and over again until it spilled into the hymn, "There's Just Something About That Name."
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
There's Just Something About That Name
Master, Saviour, Jesus
Like a Fragrance After the Rain
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Let All Heaven and Earth Proclaim
Kings and Kingdoms Shall All Pass Away
But There's Something About That Name

And God whispered that he was pleased with my frail song sung out of fear. He whispered that He enjoyed hearing His Name more than the songs in the operas that night.

Empty Handed. And yet I can always bring a sacrifice of praise. Praise when it doesn't seem like He is answering prayers. Praise when I don't understand Him.

The line after "empty handed" this morning in our song was this: "But Alive in Your Hands."

Thank you, Jesus.