Looking Up

My husband looks at me with large eyes.  "I just measured Cade.  He's over 5 foot 7 now. It's official, Becke'; he's taller than you."

And with that, the firstborn has overtaken me.

What is a mother's heart to do with such information?

I can remember the first time I saw him, just a tiny little pinto bean on the ultrasound screen.  I knew I always wanted kids, but this one, now this one brought a whole new meaning to that desire.

I remember carrying him inside, the sheer humility of being some sort of holy-safehouse where the Creator was busy at work, knitting and creating.  Knitting and creating.

The first time I laid eyes on him, he stole my breath away.  Head full of dark hair.  Perfect in every way.  I haven't breathed since.  These boys know how to steal fast.  Steal hard.  Steal completely.  Sons can strip you bare, leaving you absolutely undone.

I see him there, curled up on that sweet chest of Eric's.  Spit up spews everywhere in true-baby-Cade style.  I laugh, thinking we have all the time in the world with this sweet baby and he surely will stay little forever.  How is it that I could have been so wrong?

I look up to him now.  The baby I rocked and fed and sang to.  The toddler I chased after and worked puzzles with.  The child I cheered on from the stands and watched joyfully as he rose from the Baptismal waters.

Cade has surpassed me in height. I pray he surpasses me in other ways, too.  I pray he out gives me.  I pray he doesn't live a life of fear.  I pray he has more courage when loving the downcast. I pray he won't doubt God's goodness when life throws an uppercut.

I see him growing in so many ways, height only an outward expression of the inward.  I see his face light up after understanding another truth in "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe."  I think of the joy of knowing that your children are walking in truth, that there really is no joy to compare it to.

I smile and think that God has been extravagantly kind to allow me all these days and inches and snotty noses and Bible stories.

May he never stop growing, not where it really matters.