Wednesday, September 17, 2014

When the Heart is Homesick

I pause to take a breath and feel myself longing.  I can't even put into words what I am longing for other than home.  A home I have never been to before.  I look around and know I wasn't made for this.  The stressful schedule, the chemo and radiation aftereffects and heartache, the holding of my breath when I see my Dad's leg so swollen, the beheading of my sisters and brothers....I know deep down plague, pestilence, and pain weren't part of the original design.

Sojourners. Settlers with a place to dwell with no rights of citizenship.  Strangers.  Aliens. Pilgrims.  Visitors.

Do you ever get the eerie feeling that we just don't belong here?

I am homesick.  Sick for a place that won't allow sickness.  Sick for a home that I have never laid eyes on.  Sick for a Savior that made it all possible.

I feel like we are in the end days.  Technically, the end days started during the ministry of Jesus.  But, I feel like we are at the end of the end.  That brings such hope...that home awaits!

It also stirs up something else in this soul. Repentance.  If I truly will see my Father soon, is everything right between us?  Did I steward His money well?  Did I treat His children with grace and kindness? Did I use my gifts and time for His glory instead of trying to make a name for myself?  Did I choose the Spirit over the weak flesh?

I so badly want to run into His arms and hear him whisper, Well Done.

Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) as well as the Shemitah (Jewish Sabbatical Year) begins next Tuesday, September 24th.  This time of year always makes me a little more homesick.  Perhaps this will be the year my faith becomes my eyes.

Rosh Hashanah ushers in a 10 day period of prayer, self examination, and repentance.  You might say, ummm, I am not Jewish and not under the law.  Maybe so, but Jesus was Jewish and Peter under the new covenant said this:  "Dear friends, since you are foreigners and temporary residents [in the world], I'm encouraging you to keep away from the desires of your corrupt nature. These desires constantly attack you." 1 Peter 2:11

May He find us faithful. A few more steps and we just might be there...

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