Darkness is as Light

2013 has so far proved to be one of darkness.  Not necessarily full of grief, but one where we can't see in order to put one foot in front of the other.  It has been a year of seeking God's face and not yet hearing Him say, "this is the way...walk in it."  Our faith has been stretched.  Answers to questions that we were desperate for back in January are still unresolved.  One night in bed, I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe.  It just all felt so hopeless.  The waiting process has brought about panic, fear, anger, restlessness, and finally, contentment.  We have no answers.  And, apparently, it isn't time for them.

It has simply been a season of darkness.  Friends look at me, say I don't look like my chipper self, and I self implode into a million tears.  I don't remember the last time I felt like myself...both physically and emotionally.

The past two days of sunlight have been warm reminders that there is something new on the horizon.  God won't be silent forever.  The darkness will once again be cast off.

But, right now, He wants me to know that in Him, there is no darkness.

Sure, I know that...after all, the Bible tells me so....but does my soul really know that?

Every soon to be mother cherishes Psalm 139.  We envision God at work on our babies, knitting them in perfect ways as He proclaims their lives as good and wonderful.

The whole psalm is about how God knows everything from the secrets we would never utter aloud to the praises we shout from our lungs.  He knows our thoughts and longs to trade our grievous ways for his way everlasting.  Death for life:  it is always His style.

I think what I have missed up until now about the verses concerning Him forming our inward parts is that these paint a picture that is an illustration for the two verses that precede them (11-12.)

"If I say, "Surely the darkness will cover me,

 and the light about me be night,"

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you."

That is the point, and the verses about the mother's womb (13-16) are the illustration of that:

"For you formed my inward parts;

 you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them..."

 

 

In the dark womb, God is doing His most beautiful work.  It isn't dark to Him.  He knows exactly who He is creating.  He has been excited about this moment for ages.  He is giddy with delight as He starts the beating heart, opens the eyes for the first time, and listens to his cherished fetus practice breathing.  He sees what He has made...something precious that no one else has ever been given full view to, and calls it good. He has already ordained who this little being will be and how he or she will bring Him glory.  He even writes it all down in a book for the joy of it!

 

It is in darkness that some of the most beautiful things are created.  It is in secret, where others cannot see His handiwork.  It is a holy thing that He cherishes...only He knows this fetus the way it is meant to be known.  Sure, one day, He will show off His creation that He has delighted in putting so much care into.  But for now, Jesus treasures the riches found in secret places.

 

God wants me to know...and maybe you, too...that in our times of darkness, He is creating the most beautiful of things.  He hasn't gone AWOL.  He hasn't abandoned.  He still loves completely and deeply.  He still holds all things together.

 

There is no darkness in Him.  When things seem dark to us, we are to praise and wait.  One day, He will bring forth the most beautiful of things...more than we could ever dream up on our own.

 

This morning when I looked down into a pot, I saw six precious yellow Gerber daisies on their way up from the soil.  There were only three last fall as they finally gave way to death.  For months, while in darkness and apparent death, I wondered if they would ever come back up.

 

Three last year.  Six this year.  God is beautifully at work when things seem dark.