Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Treasuring the Memories

I tend to struggle with my memory these days.  There are certain highlights of the three older boys that will always stick out.  But, every now and then, Eric will throw out the most detailed memory (that should totally be engraved on my mind as well) and I will marvel at how easily the mind can forget.
So, today, I am writing down some precious things that have occurred over this pregnancy...because remembering always points to seeing God and His goodness.
Cade is almost thirteen.  I was curious how he would take the whole pregnancy thing.  He truly wanted a sister; after all, he said he already had two brothers.  Plus, he has a huge heart and I can totally see him doting on a little girl. But, God saw fit for something else, and he was quick to embrace the idea of Asher Tate.  He is an amazing big brother, always setting such a sweet and Godly example for those that are trying hard to mirror his footsteps and yet be there own little persons as well. 
Cade tends to be like me...not overly dramatic or demonstrative when it comes to words and touch.  I know he is tender in his heart, but sometimes, he is so reserved.  He hasn't wanted to touch my belly all that much...part of that may be his age.  But, he is sweet to curl up next to me in our big chair at nights as we talk or watch a TV show together.  He will notice Asher getting all "jiggy" and occasionally place his hand where he is moving.
The thing that has over and over again about moved me to tears regarding Cade and this pregnancy is his willingness to help out.  {Don't ever put your house on the market while preggo.  It is the true definition of insanity.}  Still, Cade will often vacuum for me three or four times a week, unload the dishwasher every morning, take the heavy laundry basket to the laundry room every day, help make lunches, and overall, simply take a load off of me.  He has been a true servant in my eyes these months, and I have not once heard him complain about a single thing I have asked of him.  His attitude has simply been that of Christ.
Eli's response might best mirror my own.  He has such a merciful heart.  When left unchecked, this can lead to fear.  It seems everyday, he places both hands on my stomach, peers up into my eyes, and simply says "Asher."  He is ready to see him.  Like me, he needs to see him.  One day, he asked me an odd question, "If Jesus decides to return and take us all to heaven, will Asher go with us?"  His arms need to literally wrap around his baby brother.  He is ready for his faith to become his eyes.  He is tired of waiting.
Eli has been the most sensitive to how I am feeling physically.  He looks at me with concern if I am not walking well, breathing well, sighing, or on and on.  You can tell he wants to change things for me so desperately.  He has also been concerned that he and his other brothers might have caused this pain for me when they were in my tummy!
All that said, he has his joy moments everyday as well.  He gets excited when Asher kicks, hoping that his little brother will be a soccer player just like him.  He wants him to look like himself.  He is the only child who really wanted another baby brother, so it is fun to see his heart's desires being fulfilled!  He mentions me/Asher in class every morning, and they pray for us.  He has fallen in love with Asher's new stuffed animal frog and wants to "break it in for him."
He wants to be the one to feed Asher.  When we tried to explain that this may not be possible for awhile (umm, think about how horses feed their colts and cows feed their calves,) he burst into, "Wait right there!  I don't know what you are trying to tell me, but I don't think I want to know anything else.  So stop right there!"  I love his innocence.  I love his pure love over this child.
Oh, and Eli wants me to have a "contraption" so Asher will come!  (Instead of contraction.)
Goodness, what not to say about the boy who can not WAIT to be a big brother!  He has matured so much since September when he found out.  I think part of him is mentally ready to grow up and nurture his baby brother.  He has poured out his heart and soul and happy tears on my friends' babies, Lily and Ty, and I can't wait to see his response to his own little brother.
Sam has such a tender heart and he isn't afraid to show it.  What I love about this boy is that he is not afraid to be who God created him to be.  If he wants to lift up my shirt in public to love on my belly, he tries.  (He just gets thwarted!)
He is sensitive to the fact that I am pregnant.  He takes the keys from me, unlocks the front door, and holds it open while I walk in.  I tell him I can do it, but he looks at me and simply says, "Mom, you're pregnant!"
The most hilarious response from Sam is that when he talks to my belly, I have to talk back in "Asher's voice."  Now, this is not your typical voice, but a high pitched baby voice.  If I talk in the wrong range (not high enough,) Sam looks at me like I am crazy and I have to repeat what I say in the "right voice."  He then nods in approval and keeps on chatting away to his little bro.
I was a little concerned about how Sam would respond to having a baby brother because he has been praying for a baby sister for years.  He cried during the revealing ultrasound, but after that, he transferred all his joy for a sister over to Asher.  He couldn't be more infatuated with this little fella! 
That said, he still talks about having a baby sister as if it is going to happen one day.  Eric broke it to him at the breakfast table that unless God intervenes, he seriously doubts that Sam will ever get his sister.  A couple of months ago, I heard Sam ask Cade,  "Cade, do you think God will ever give me a baby sister?"  His desire for a sweet little girl has simply not faded.  It doesn't mean he doesn't adore the idea of Asher, but his heart beats for something else as well.  I don't know what to do with that because this has been a really hard pregnancy and Eric vows I don't need to do this again.
I know Sam will adore Asher and will take every opportunity to show him off to everyone.  He will be a huge helper and will soak up every minute of this guy's life!
I could write a book, but right now, I am like Eli.  I just need to see his face and wrap my arms around him.   


Anonymous said...

What special memories and I know one day you will be glad you wrote them down.

Leslie said...

Love this!
You tell Sam I have four girls that would take another brother ANY time! =)

Kelli said...

Sooooooon! I can't wait, but I am increasingly sad that we can't come. Stupid airlines with their crazy prices. :(

Anonymous said...

Love the picture and love hearing about the everyday walk with the boys during this pregancy. Can't wait to see them with Asher! Can't wait to see Asher!