Turn Towards

The fault is mine.  I closed myself off to His all encompassing love.  I didn't trust myself or our relationship after a promise came and then left as a feather in the wind.

I decided I didn't know God at all.  I decided He wasn't safe.  I turned my back and shut the Word.

Such a harrowing and confusing time.  To think you know how He speaks. Humbling.

And then it all turns out differently.  And differently is often the most beautiful thing.  But, still, in my limited understanding, it goes against what He said all along.

My heart was beaten by the waves and left on the rocky shore like a discarded piece of driftwood. I wasn't drowning, but I was forgotten and tossed aside.

What does one do with the words of the Almighty when He does something entirely different than what you thought He said?  What does one do with that relationship when trust has left?

I know I am hungry and missing my Jesus.  I know He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I know light shines in the darkness.

I know I don't have to perform to earn His love.  But, I do have to turn towards it.

"Lift up your heads, O ye gates; be lifted up you ancient doors, that the King of Glory may come in." Psalm 24:7

Do we dare to look toward His face again?  Even Mr. Beaver in "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" says about Aslan (God):  "Safe? Who said anything about safe?  But he's good.  He's the King I tell you."

Do we dare open the rusty doors to our hearts once again to a love that is good and whole but often feels uncertain and risky?

Hunger forces us back.  One small taste and everything else is meaningless.  We miss.  We crave.  We lift up our heads and open the doors.

And Glory walks in.