37. The Saddest Birthday Ever.

I am 37 today.  I praise God for knitting me in my mother's womb, placing me in a Godly family, and breathing eternal life into my dead soul. I praise Him for His lavish display of affection on my life including four amazing boys. I marvel at His Word that is alive and His Holy Spirit that shows me things about my sweet Jesus.  I take joy in the simple things including Mexican food shared with friends and Pure Grace body lotion.  I surrender the rest of my days and pray that He blesses the latter days even more than the beginning ones.

But today my heart has been absolutely shattered.

My father in law, Herb, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  It has spread to his pelvis, stomach, back, femur, and arm.  We knew last Thursday we were facing cancer, but we had hopes that it wouldn't be so advanced.

If you know him at all, you know he is a great father, proud Papa, wise counselor, amazing Bible teacher, and grace giver.  He will accept you as you are but loves you enough to not let you stay there.  To say I love and respect this man would be a total understatement.

We have had hard words thrown at us through the years.  Suicide.  Miscarriage.  Cancer.  These circumstances have rocked us to the core and definitely put our theology to the test.  Through the years, I have learned that it is God who holds us.  We can beat on His chest in anger as snot runs down our faces, and we can doubt His goodness, but He holds our relationship in tact. Faith is a gift and it is God that keeps giving it when life throws the curve balls.

With surrendered hearts, Eric and I are choosing to praise God in this storm.  We have had countless scripture passages telling us to enter into this battle and fight.  We have no promises that the fight will lead to healing while on this earth, but we believe the fight will definitely point to God's glory. 

We are reminded of Job and what he proclaimed after sores had overtaken his body: "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

I believe that disease is of the Enemy but I also believe that God is sovereign over everything and that nothing and I mean nothing passes into our lives without His permission and power.  I believe God's participating presence is in everything and I believe He is good, even when His definition of good doesn't line up with my own.  I believe His voice is so powerful that He can simply say, "BE GONE!" and the cancer would flee.  I keep muttering the Hebrew word, "pala" and beg God to do something so wonderful and amazing that we can't even begin to understand it.  But, I also know I worship a God who sent His very own beloved Son to die on the cross for something that didn't make sense to all the onlookers.  His ways are so much higher than ours.  I bow down only to Him.

He is our only hope.

We covet your prayers for peace and mercy and strength as we enter into this battle.