Friday, June 17, 2011

The Restart Button

I have been in a mood.

Hormones, schedules, lack of time, perceived weight gain, no cute clothes, isolation from friends.  I am a "be still and know God is God kind of gal" and I haven't had a chance.  Which leaves me with a flood of insecurity, anger, frustration, anxiety, ungratefulness, and short breaths.

Calling my friend to unload helped.  She is good to let me say whatever I want and just listen.  She doesn't fix me, even though she probably knows how.

After I got off the phone, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I have been taught how to handle these situations.  I just hadn't done a good job of putting it into practice.  Hence the stress and self loathing.

He has taught me that the enemy is real.  Warfare on my mind is real.  If Satan can get me with one thought, then I am more apt to believe another false reality.  It is a downward spiral from there.

It starts with one thought.  Last night I was trying on my closet.  Nothing fit right.  I have a rehearsal dinner to attend next week and I just want to look cute for crying out loud.  Nothing in this town looks good on me either.  Satan throws in a little, "you are fat" and he has me at hello.  I listen to him, and whether he is right or not...remember, he is good at half truths...I am agreeing with him and about to throw myself on my bed in a sea of self wallowing.

Or perhaps it was this lie that I listened to:  "You are the matron of honor and you aren't doing your job.  You could be doing more.  Your sister wouldn't have chosen you if your other sister were still alive.  And your other sister would have been much better at this than you are."  Perhaps a half truth, but not what my God wants me to be believing and dwelling on.

Or maybe this is the lie that started the downward spiral:  "You aren't good at making your kids feel special.  You are crappy at planning birthday parties.  If your mother in law didn't help, then your kids wouldn't feel loved."  Outrageous, but Satan loves for you to fall for the outrageous.

My mind has been a battleground.  It is a bloody mess.  I need someone to yank me out before I give up and surrender to the enemy.

I picked up my book "Prayers that Rout Demons" and read out loud:

*I bind and cast out the spirits of rejection, fear of rejection, and self-rejection in the name of Jesus
*I bind and cast out the root of bitterness in the name of Jesus
*I bind and cast out all spirits of fear of judgment, self-pity, false compassion, and false responsibility in the name of Jesus.

I kept reading.  And proclaiming my freedom in Christ.  And yanking myself off the bloody battleground.

Breath filled my lungs again.

Satan is sneaky.  He never wants you to realize that it is him at work.  I had blamed my circumstances on hormones and a busy season of life, but now I know better.  Now I remember his tactics.

The next time he throws a lie or half-lie my way, by the grace of God,  I will call it what it is before I enter the downward spiral.  Sometimes you just need a restart button in this thing called warfare.


Bugs and Sunshine said...

WHOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Preach it sister!!!!

If I wasn't like 72 pounds bigger than you I'd say come shop in my closet :) LOL!

A black pair of slacks (or white) and a cute shirt can get you a LONG way in the cute clothes dept. You are welcome to come by tomorrow to raid my jewelry box if you want.

Insane amounts of jewelry also go a long way!

Amelia said...

Ummmm, for the record, I think you are the best Matron of Honor a girl asked for! mwah!!

Heather said...

This is a great post, Becke'. I have been fighting some bloody battles over here myself lately. I need to get that book you were talking about. And I love how talking OUTLOUD to the enemy and praying outloud sometimes makes all the difference. Saying a prayer for you that you keep winning victories in Jesus' name.