Remembering Kiley

This post may be too strong for some...but it will be therapy for me to get out some thoughts and a bit of my fractured heart. My sister died last Wednesday. We know without a doubt that she is at her "real" home, the one we as true believers in Christ groan and long for. The one without pain, tears, heartache. The one where there is no curse, night, or anything impure. She was a child of God simply because of her faith in Christ Jesus to be the Way, Truth, and Life. Therefore, she has eternal life in Christ Jesus. Jesus says, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." When Jesus died for our sins, he redeemed us from all of them, not just the ones we remember to confess. She was a sheep and she knew her shepherd's voice and she was so grateful that he laid down his life for her. She had studied the book of Daniel extensively and knew that Christ is the "Son of Man." She recognized him as the ONE who has all authority, glory, sovereign power; and that all would worship him. She knew that HIS kingdom was the only true kingdom, and that it will never pass away.

Kiley had wounds that had allowed Satan a stronghold over. Christ has come to give us abundant life, a life of freedom. The truth sets us free. Take your stand! Don't let anyone (including yourself) put a harness of slavery back on. In life, we tend to call things "reality" based on our experiences, but God defines reality as the TRUTH found in the Word of God. Victory comes when we line ourselves up to the reality of God's life. We must allow no person or experience to shape us...unless they are consistent with the promises of God. As the book, "The Three Battlegrounds" states, "every battle we face in life is over the Word and whether or not we can build our lives upon the faithfulness and integrity of God." I am learning to believe Him and put my ruthless (without self-pity) trust in Him...He is the only thing worth it because He is the only Truth. I sleep at night lately because I rest in a Sovereign God who has declared himself as Good and Faithful...He alone is reliable and constant. I am also learning that I trust God based on the degree that I know I am loved by Him. God had prepared my heart for this tragedy...I had been boasting of His love for me for a few months now. I do not understand His ways, and yes, He seems Wild--just like Aslan in "The Chronicles of Narnia," but He is safe. In my grief, all I have to cling to are two things: faith in the person of Jesus and hope in his promise. When Jesus says that He is the resurrection, and anyone who believes in Him, even though he or she dies will live, and whoever lives and believes in Him will never die, I cling to that promise with all I have. Deep down, I know that it is going to be alright. Deep down, I know that even though it appears that Satan has the victory, in reality, death has no sting.

My sister loved life and seemed to do everything "big." We called her dramatic, but she just wanted to experience life at its fullest...from buying 10 different kinds of candy from the Dollar Store to sneak into the movies to downloading one trillion songs onto her Ipod. She was one of the prettiest people ever...with sparkling hazel eyes and naturally curly brunette hair. She loved helping others...her latest project was laying down the hardwood floors in my parent's new home. She ate up little kids...even ones who couldn't speak her language. We called each other "whoes" SP?? for the fun of it...not because of the reality...she kept herself pure for her true Prince. She, like me, loved to eat...especially anything Mom made, from Never-Fail Chocolate Cake to big ol' steaks. She loved any and every romantic comedy ever made...including: "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," "Sweet Home Alabama," "The Family Stone," "The Wedding Planner," and those a bit more sad, like "The Notebook" and "A Walk to Remember." We agreed that a good cry was sometimes just plain therapeutic. She loved to drive fast in her convertible with the top down and her hair blowing in the wind, with the music playing as loudly as possible. She loved the rain and I am sure the perfect proposal for her would be to have her man dance with her in the rain and then get down on one knee in order to win her forever. She loved "Acambaro" Mexican food and any other Mexican place that had kickin' salsa. She had to have her coffee fix every morning, as long as the caffeine was appropriately mixed with Splenda and CoffeeMate. She loved her dog, Bruiser, and he adored her. Kiley was passionate about storing up her treasures in Heaven. We often joked with her, telling her that she spent more on her church and people's needs than on herself. She loved sports, especially going to cheer the Hogs on at Football games. All of the "girls" in my family love the beach and last August we got to go down to Gulf Shores for a week, just the four of us. That week will be one of my most priceless memories ever. She and I ate those "non-beheaded" shrimp like they were going out of style while Mom and Amelia looked on with disgust. We shared a love of key lime pie and the same taste in clothing. Last time I was in her closet, I saw at least two things that I had almost bought (when by myself)---same color and everything. We both hated our thighs and kept those babies brown in the summer to hide the cellulite. Kiley had a love for Beth Moore and all of her Bible studies. I think they opened her eyes to how rich and marvelous God's word is. It almost tore me in two when I saw that Beth Moore's 2nd daughter got married the day I buried my sister. Some things just don't seem fair. Kiley lived in Conway for two years while finishing up school at UCA. I was on a spaghetti and homemade meatball kick and she joyfully would come over to help eat it all up. Those two years were a gift from God. My boys, Cade, Eli, and Sam loved their KiKi (long I's--like pie) and I later adopted that name for myself and started calling her that as well. I loved being her sister: teaching her to show cattle, doing her makeup for proms, hosting her UCA graduation celebration, and on and on. I ache because I longed for the day of being an Aunt to her kids and getting to dress them up and play with them as she had done with mine. I wanted to take road trips with she and her future husband and stay up way too late playing Spades. I wanted to grow spiritually with her and simply grow old together. The aches of what could have been have to be transferred to the hope of what will be in heaven. She is still my sister and she is still alive....in a world that is far more glorious than our present one. Cade seemed to wrap up my thoughts pretty well. I took him to the doctor this morning...he had fever and I was afraid it was the flu...but just a cold. As we were sitting and waiting, Cade got a big smile on his face and burst out with, "I can't wait til Heaven!!!" He then proceeded to tell me that "Jesus will either come back in 5 or 3 years...well, maybe 10...when I am 17." He has the hope of his Redeemer coming back and setting everything right, being the Just and Fair King of Kings. He has the right perspective of hope. Hope that does not disappoint.

How do I end a post on my sister, best friend, and spiritual companion? It feels like I haven't done her justice in the few words that I have written down. If you are reading this, then you have probably been in prayer for our family. I thank you from the depths of my soul. God is grace and He is all we need. We have definitely seen "Him" in all of the food, cards, phone calls, support, and ongoing prayers. May God be glorified in the days to come.