Surgery.

I just came home and did what every sane person does when they find out they are having a cholecystectomy the very next day.  I ate a whole avocado.  There.  Take that, cholecystectomy.

Really, my heart didn't start pounding when the doctor said he would be removing a God given organ.  It started pounding when he said I couldn't wear any makeup the day of the surgery.  Priorites, people.

I am not sure how I have made it 37 years without major surgery but I did and liked it that way.  This removal of organ business has me all up in arms and tears and palpitations.

Gallbladder. It's just a gallbladder.  And apparently, you can survive without this God given organ, it just takes some time for your body to figure out what to do without it.  Why did you have to rebel little organ?  We were getting along so nicely.

Can't I just go in and birth a ten pound baby? It sounds so much easier.  Will they wrap up my little gallbladder in a receiving blanket and place it in my arms for all my effort?  I think not.  But, it might be kind of fun to see all the angry gallstones.  (My husband swears I won't be bringing those home.)

It's been kind of emotional around here this week.  I keep thinking of Kara Tippetts and how she died with grace and dignity.  I keep thinking of Herb and how much I miss him.  I keep wondering how these people died well when I am still trying to figure out how to live well.

We take one step at a time, hearts fully surrendered, and rest in the sovereign path laid before us.  We don't panic when the word surgery is mentioned because we know it is really the best thing.  We keep waking up in the morning, almost three months after cancer strips us bare because we have a God that breathes peace into our frames on a daily basis.

It's funny how as I get older, I have a greater desperation for Jesus.  More and more, he is my everything. More and more, I am aching to be where He is.

I have a feeling I'll pull through tomorrow (wink wink), but just in case...you guys should know you are beyond loved and treasured.  I think when we get to heaven the thing that will shock us more than anything is the depth of the Father's love for us.

Swim in it.