Crunchy Peanut Butter

It's when I open the pantry and see that darn crunchy peanut butter that I start crying.

Grief Triggers.  You never know what they will be.  And when you start crying over peanut butter, it almost seems absurd.

Certain things attach themselves to the people you love and lost and they won't let go, proving everyday that those people mattered and meant something. Still mean something.

It was four years ago, Herb sneaking up behind me in Walmart and creeping me out.  I found this previous post and had a little laugh...

"I was at Walmart the previous day, throwing down our life's savings, it seems, on a filled buggy full of everything from toothpaste to triscuits.  I was vacillating between Heinz and Hunts when I felt an arm reach around my waist and whisper something gravelly and deep by the side of my head.

I just about came out of my tennis shoes.  Because despite how hard I tried in that span of half a second, I couldn't make out the voice to be that of my husband's.  Not that Eric was at Walmart, mind you, but who on earth else could it be?

I must have thrown a look that could kill at the person who had just whispered "Hey, you wanna go out sometime?"  Because then my father in law burst into such laughter that I had to laugh right back at him. 

I can't blame him for wanting to play a little practical joke...the man has been needing to get out of the house since he has been incessantly and selflessly taking care of his sick mom and wife (who broke her ankle.)

But, as you know, across from Hunts and Heinz lies Smuckers and Jiff.  I was so flustered that I picked up crunchy instead of smooth.

And now we all know who to blame."

I'll never look at crunchy peanut butter without thinking about Herb and now it triggers me into a mess of hot tears, missing him madly. 

I've learned that triggers can be a blessing, forcing you to joyfully remember the person you are missing.  The triggers can also remind you that your suffering is only temporary and that one day, everything will be set right.

I do know one thing, our God is a God of laughter and I am thankful for fun memories to ease the ache until we are laughing together again at that big ol' banquet.