Monday, March 17, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Annie Gray
For you, sweet friend. Congrats on your precious lil girly girl! She is just so squishy and perfect!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Asher {10 months}
10 months! Probably my favorite age ever!!! Their little personalities just come into full play at this age! His two top teeth have come in and it totally takes away his "baby" look, sniff. Here are a few things I want to remember:
*Height and weight 65%
*4 teeth
*loves baby food, progressing more towards real food, loves bread and real sweet potatoes and yogurt
*crawls, pulls up, can stand just for a second, cruises around furniture
*says mama, dada, baba, etc
*when I get him out of his crib and we leave his room, he starts looking all around and jumping up and down in my arms, hoping his brothers are around!
*sleeps 12 hours straight at night and 2 naps
*favors Eli and Cade the most
*fun loving and passionate, loves to be around people, hates to be confined
*loves all dogs and is not afraid of them
*likes to read and look at the pages
*graduated to a bigger carseat
*can "smack" his lips while eating or pretending to give a kiss...does this on command and it is hilarious!
*likes stuffed animals, especially Elmo
Monday, March 3, 2014
Abortion {Assaulting the Image of God}
I've prayed and prayed about how to write this post. I have considered tossing it aside, but I want to share a glimpse of what my heart is beating for right now. Abortion is a topic I have always been passionate about, but lately, the fire is so strong that I am ablaze most days. I don't know yet how to funnel this passion, maybe pray with me?
It is a topic that I can hardly talk about without either leaving the room snot faced or yelling for no other reason than righteous anger boiling over. I think that is why I am most afraid to share my heart, because I don't want it to come across as judgmental or condemning. My heart aches just as much for women who have chosen abortion who are now living in silent prisons of shame as it does for the baby who never had the chance to be cuddled against those same women.
Satan wants to thin the herd so to speak, to separate the weak. Funny how he lies and says that strong women choose abortion, only to toss them aside as the weak after they have chosen that route. My heart beats for these women, but that is not what this particular post is about. Today, I want to speak for the ones that were never given the chance.
After praying on how to do this, God showed me a beautiful thing I had never noticed before. In the book of Luke, we know that John the Baptist was born only a few months before Jesus the Messiah. His purpose was to prepare the way for the Messiah. We see John the Baptist fulfilling that role in a precious way across the pages of scripture. What caught me off guard was that John's prophetic God-appointed mission in life even started while in the womb!!!
"In those days Mary arose and went with haste to the hill country, to a town in Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy." Luke 1:39-44
Elizabeth is about 6 months pregnant at this point and doesn't realize that Mary is expecting a baby until her own unborn baby leaps for joy and the Holy Spirit overcomes her with the knowledge that Mary is carrying the LORD himself! We see John in the womb, without ever having taken his first breath, already fulfilling the commission of God, to turn people to the Lord. He leaps for joy when he is first in the presence of the long awaited Holy One! It was as if John couldn't even wait to be born to start pointing people to who Jesus is!
The baby felt Joy. That means the Bible is clear. Even unborn babies can feel. God has a sweet mission for every single baby and that mission even starts while in the womb!
Alan Keyes is one of my favorite speakers. He loves the word, loves life, and loves Jesus. He says something so true and yet so disturbing. He says when we choose abortion, we are assaulting the image of God. When we abort, we kill off His likeness. Abortion is an offense towards God Himself not just because He created the child, but because that child bears His very image.
How sneaky of Satan. Kill. Steal. Destroy. Anything and everything that just might point to God's representation.
Here are a few abortion stats I wanted to share:
1. Out of all abortions, only 1% or less are due to rape or incest.
2. Over 1 million babies a year die in America due to abortion. To put this in perspective, the Nazis killed about 1 million Jewish children in the Holocaust. Americans kill that many every single year.
3. It is estimated (in the US) that since 1973 (Roe v. Wade) 55 million people were never allowed life due to abortion. These people could have pointed to the glory of God, but instead were cut out, sucked out, or injected, all in the name of privacy and personal selfish freedom.
4. 93% of babies prenatally diagnosed with Down Syndrome are aborted. Only 7 out of 100 are allowed breath. This totally leaves me undone. Isn't it just like Satan to twist things and call it being "merciful." The enemy is telling us we are being compassionate towards these babies if we choose murder. Think about how twisted this is! Every life is precious!
5. Abortion truly is genocide, "a deliberate and systematic destruction of a particular group." The targeted group is unwanted unborn children.
6. Planned Parenthood is full of lies. On their site, they state that having an abortion in not psychologically or emotionally dangerous. They say you will experience more emotional disturbance by having childbirth than having an abortion. They say that serious, long-term emotional problems after abortion are uncommon.
7. There is now a movement called "after birth abortion." "When circumstances occur after birth such that they would have justified abortion, what we call after-birth abortion should be permissible. … [W]e propose to call this practice ‘after-birth abortion’, rather than ‘infanticide,’ to emphasize that the moral status of the individual killed is comparable with that of a fetus … rather than to that of a child. Therefore, we claim that killing a newborn could be ethically permissible in all the circumstances where abortion would be. Such circumstances include cases where the newborn has the potential to have an (at least) acceptable life, but the well-being of the family is at risk."
Our God cares about each generation, each child, each soul. He thought each person up, knitting him together in his mother's womb, and gracing each person to bear His image.
"...so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord...to set free those who were doomed to die...to declare His name." Psalm 102 18-21
I wonder what my part is in this atrocious story that has infiltrated our culture. It seems so hopeless at times, so I have to remind myself that God is concerned with each baby. Saving one baby means something. It means everything.
I know for a fact that pregnancy life centers really do make a difference. When troubled young women are really presented the facts, they will often choose life! We, as Christians are not paralyzed nor are we hopeless! We each can do something, even if it is giving to or volunteering at places like Life Choices here in town.
Satan wants us to believe that he has won this war called abortion, but he is gravely mistaken.
"Whatever mischief may be brewing against the cause of God and truth, and I dare say there is very much going on at this moment, for neither the devil, nor the atheists are long quiet, this we are sure of, the Lord knows all about it, and he has his Esther and his Mordecai ready at their posts to frustrate their design. The Lord has his men well placed, and his ambushes hidden in their coverts, to surprise his foes. We need never be afraid but what the Lord has forestalled his enemies and provided against their mischief." Spurgeon
The church is powerful because we have been bought by the blood of the Lamb. The gates of hell will not overcome the church.
Have you considered your role in fighting against the assault of His image?
It is a topic that I can hardly talk about without either leaving the room snot faced or yelling for no other reason than righteous anger boiling over. I think that is why I am most afraid to share my heart, because I don't want it to come across as judgmental or condemning. My heart aches just as much for women who have chosen abortion who are now living in silent prisons of shame as it does for the baby who never had the chance to be cuddled against those same women.
Satan wants to thin the herd so to speak, to separate the weak. Funny how he lies and says that strong women choose abortion, only to toss them aside as the weak after they have chosen that route. My heart beats for these women, but that is not what this particular post is about. Today, I want to speak for the ones that were never given the chance.
After praying on how to do this, God showed me a beautiful thing I had never noticed before. In the book of Luke, we know that John the Baptist was born only a few months before Jesus the Messiah. His purpose was to prepare the way for the Messiah. We see John the Baptist fulfilling that role in a precious way across the pages of scripture. What caught me off guard was that John's prophetic God-appointed mission in life even started while in the womb!!!
"In those days Mary arose and went with haste to the hill country, to a town in Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy." Luke 1:39-44
Elizabeth is about 6 months pregnant at this point and doesn't realize that Mary is expecting a baby until her own unborn baby leaps for joy and the Holy Spirit overcomes her with the knowledge that Mary is carrying the LORD himself! We see John in the womb, without ever having taken his first breath, already fulfilling the commission of God, to turn people to the Lord. He leaps for joy when he is first in the presence of the long awaited Holy One! It was as if John couldn't even wait to be born to start pointing people to who Jesus is!
The baby felt Joy. That means the Bible is clear. Even unborn babies can feel. God has a sweet mission for every single baby and that mission even starts while in the womb!
Alan Keyes is one of my favorite speakers. He loves the word, loves life, and loves Jesus. He says something so true and yet so disturbing. He says when we choose abortion, we are assaulting the image of God. When we abort, we kill off His likeness. Abortion is an offense towards God Himself not just because He created the child, but because that child bears His very image.
How sneaky of Satan. Kill. Steal. Destroy. Anything and everything that just might point to God's representation.
Here are a few abortion stats I wanted to share:
1. Out of all abortions, only 1% or less are due to rape or incest.
2. Over 1 million babies a year die in America due to abortion. To put this in perspective, the Nazis killed about 1 million Jewish children in the Holocaust. Americans kill that many every single year.
3. It is estimated (in the US) that since 1973 (Roe v. Wade) 55 million people were never allowed life due to abortion. These people could have pointed to the glory of God, but instead were cut out, sucked out, or injected, all in the name of privacy and personal selfish freedom.
4. 93% of babies prenatally diagnosed with Down Syndrome are aborted. Only 7 out of 100 are allowed breath. This totally leaves me undone. Isn't it just like Satan to twist things and call it being "merciful." The enemy is telling us we are being compassionate towards these babies if we choose murder. Think about how twisted this is! Every life is precious!
5. Abortion truly is genocide, "a deliberate and systematic destruction of a particular group." The targeted group is unwanted unborn children.
6. Planned Parenthood is full of lies. On their site, they state that having an abortion in not psychologically or emotionally dangerous. They say you will experience more emotional disturbance by having childbirth than having an abortion. They say that serious, long-term emotional problems after abortion are uncommon.
7. There is now a movement called "after birth abortion." "When circumstances occur after birth such that they would have justified abortion, what we call after-birth abortion should be permissible. … [W]e propose to call this practice ‘after-birth abortion’, rather than ‘infanticide,’ to emphasize that the moral status of the individual killed is comparable with that of a fetus … rather than to that of a child. Therefore, we claim that killing a newborn could be ethically permissible in all the circumstances where abortion would be. Such circumstances include cases where the newborn has the potential to have an (at least) acceptable life, but the well-being of the family is at risk."
Our God cares about each generation, each child, each soul. He thought each person up, knitting him together in his mother's womb, and gracing each person to bear His image.
"...so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord...to set free those who were doomed to die...to declare His name." Psalm 102 18-21
I wonder what my part is in this atrocious story that has infiltrated our culture. It seems so hopeless at times, so I have to remind myself that God is concerned with each baby. Saving one baby means something. It means everything.
I know for a fact that pregnancy life centers really do make a difference. When troubled young women are really presented the facts, they will often choose life! We, as Christians are not paralyzed nor are we hopeless! We each can do something, even if it is giving to or volunteering at places like Life Choices here in town.
Satan wants us to believe that he has won this war called abortion, but he is gravely mistaken.
"Whatever mischief may be brewing against the cause of God and truth, and I dare say there is very much going on at this moment, for neither the devil, nor the atheists are long quiet, this we are sure of, the Lord knows all about it, and he has his Esther and his Mordecai ready at their posts to frustrate their design. The Lord has his men well placed, and his ambushes hidden in their coverts, to surprise his foes. We need never be afraid but what the Lord has forestalled his enemies and provided against their mischief." Spurgeon
The church is powerful because we have been bought by the blood of the Lamb. The gates of hell will not overcome the church.
Have you considered your role in fighting against the assault of His image?
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
The Book Without a Name, any Name
I read the book, front to finish, and never once found His name. He wasn't El Shaddai, LORD, Jehovah, Yahweh, or God. He simply wasn't found on the pages. How, odd, since this was Esther I was reading, a book of the Bible.
It was refreshing.
I know that sounds cruel and anti-God-loving. But, I am neither.
To the untrained eye, He is absent all throughout the book of Esther. We see no mention of His Holy name. Out of the thousand beautiful names He has, not a single one graces the pages of that Holy Book. There is no mention of the Book of the Law or anything else that would obviously point us to His fame.
To the untrained eye, God is absent in the book of Esther.
But, to the one whom He has given sight, He is everywhere. He is with Esther as a young orphan, giving her a caring cousin to care for her as she grows up.
He is with Mordecai as he is at the right place at the right time, overhearing the plot to kill the King.
He is with Esther as she receives favor from all she comes into contact with...eventually putting her in front of the King himself so that she might become his beloved Queen.
He is with the King the night he can't sleep, moving his thoughts towards Mordecai and how he might best reward him for saving his life.
He is with every single Jew as they tremble with thoughts of demise, wondering how they will protect their young children from this hate crime about to take place.
He is with Esther as she boldly approaches the throne for the life of her people, knowing that her death should be the consequence of such an action.
He is ever present. Always working on behalf of his children.
Always working even when it seems His very Name has been stripped from the pages.
It is refreshing.
I look into so many personal, cultural and worldly issues and wonder where His name is. I see pictures of aborted babies, witness the heartache of the Ukrainian people, and cover the eyes of my boys as they watch TV that has become anti-family. I sob, wondering if He is going to show up in these areas.
I refuse to believe He is inactive, cruel, or aloof.
I think it is the opposite.
His Name is sometimes too beautiful and powerful to be put to paper. It doesn't negate the work that He is constantly doing.
He is always working for the good.
For you. For me.
Always working for the good.
{refreshing}
It was refreshing.
I know that sounds cruel and anti-God-loving. But, I am neither.
To the untrained eye, He is absent all throughout the book of Esther. We see no mention of His Holy name. Out of the thousand beautiful names He has, not a single one graces the pages of that Holy Book. There is no mention of the Book of the Law or anything else that would obviously point us to His fame.
To the untrained eye, God is absent in the book of Esther.
But, to the one whom He has given sight, He is everywhere. He is with Esther as a young orphan, giving her a caring cousin to care for her as she grows up.
He is with Mordecai as he is at the right place at the right time, overhearing the plot to kill the King.
He is with Esther as she receives favor from all she comes into contact with...eventually putting her in front of the King himself so that she might become his beloved Queen.
He is with the King the night he can't sleep, moving his thoughts towards Mordecai and how he might best reward him for saving his life.
He is with every single Jew as they tremble with thoughts of demise, wondering how they will protect their young children from this hate crime about to take place.
He is with Esther as she boldly approaches the throne for the life of her people, knowing that her death should be the consequence of such an action.
He is ever present. Always working on behalf of his children.
Always working even when it seems His very Name has been stripped from the pages.
It is refreshing.
I look into so many personal, cultural and worldly issues and wonder where His name is. I see pictures of aborted babies, witness the heartache of the Ukrainian people, and cover the eyes of my boys as they watch TV that has become anti-family. I sob, wondering if He is going to show up in these areas.
I refuse to believe He is inactive, cruel, or aloof.
I think it is the opposite.
His Name is sometimes too beautiful and powerful to be put to paper. It doesn't negate the work that He is constantly doing.
He is always working for the good.
For you. For me.
Always working for the good.
{refreshing}
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Over It
I am ready to kick this month to the curb. It has about done me in on so many levels. Can I get an amen that we are really aliens living in some foreign world? Amen and amen!
Do you ever go through seasons where you feel like everything you try or life as you know it is thwarted or stolen? It seems to be my theme right now. I know God can be the Divine Thwarter (prevents things from happening that you were hoping would happen.) But, I also know the Enemy steals and destroys. Right now, I am trying to lay it all before God and see which is which.
Our church has "home church" where smaller groups of people meet in homes one evening a week to live life together and further study God's word. We've been in one for about 13 years. It is such a blessing to have a group surround you and help you when you are sick or when you are moving or when you simply need to cry. Good things are happening at our church: growth! But, with that, our home church needed to multiply in order to allow new couples into each group.
I kept some friends and lost others to the other group. Now, I know they are friends forever and all that jazz. You can't strip away that many years of doing life together in just one blink. But, I felt like something precious was stolen away from me. Call me female, but this has been the hardest thing on my heart. On the flip side, I love the new people in our group and am so thankful that God has placed them with us! Sorrow and joy. Always dancing.
Take this other example of something being thwarted! I ordered myself a personalized necklace (kids names, etc.) from etsy in January. It was something I wouldn't ordinarily do for myself so it held a lot of meaning for me. After four attempts with the seller to see if it was on its way, she still won't respond back. I had to open a case with etsy to see if the matter can be resolved. I paid. I want my necklace. Seems simple, but a month after ordering, I still have no idea the status of that necklace.
And another example! The first part of February is always a nail biter around here. I am extra tense, cry my eyes out, and simply refuse to breathe until the 13th passes once again. I ordered my Mom flowers from an online site to bring a little beauty into a harsh day. They, too were happy to take my money. But, did my Mom ever get her flowers? No! I could not get the company to return my emails or calls either! I mean the Better Business Bureau better watch out because I am one fired up daughter!
To aid in the joy of the month, the stomach bug hit our house last Saturday. It has looked differently on each of us, but I am so over this! I almost sold tickets to Vomit Fest 2014. I was supposed to sing Sunday, but again, that got thwarted!
And, this morning, our shower nozzle started spraying in all funky directions, including our ceiling which is never a good thing.
Are you laughing? Well, I think I will join you, then!
Sometimes I wonder what is spiritual warfare and what is simply part of living in world that really isn't our home. I can't wait for Jesus to be physical King where friends never leave your group, grief isn't in your vocabulary, all flowers get delivered, the stomach bug never hits, shower ceilings aren't ruined, and meaningful necklaces come in the mail.
It is hard down here. But, Jesus knows what it is like to be us. That brings a smile and a bit of comfort.
In the midst of hardship, I do see beauty all around, though. I celebrate with those who are rejoicing. I have a friend who received an audible word from God. I have a sister in law expecting a baby. I have another friend who had to give up her precious baby for adoption since she had him at a very young age. This gal, almost 19 years later got to meet her son on facetime!!! What joy, to see a part of her heart restored.
Life is hard. But it is also very beautiful.
Do you ever go through seasons where you feel like everything you try or life as you know it is thwarted or stolen? It seems to be my theme right now. I know God can be the Divine Thwarter (prevents things from happening that you were hoping would happen.) But, I also know the Enemy steals and destroys. Right now, I am trying to lay it all before God and see which is which.
Our church has "home church" where smaller groups of people meet in homes one evening a week to live life together and further study God's word. We've been in one for about 13 years. It is such a blessing to have a group surround you and help you when you are sick or when you are moving or when you simply need to cry. Good things are happening at our church: growth! But, with that, our home church needed to multiply in order to allow new couples into each group.
I kept some friends and lost others to the other group. Now, I know they are friends forever and all that jazz. You can't strip away that many years of doing life together in just one blink. But, I felt like something precious was stolen away from me. Call me female, but this has been the hardest thing on my heart. On the flip side, I love the new people in our group and am so thankful that God has placed them with us! Sorrow and joy. Always dancing.
Take this other example of something being thwarted! I ordered myself a personalized necklace (kids names, etc.) from etsy in January. It was something I wouldn't ordinarily do for myself so it held a lot of meaning for me. After four attempts with the seller to see if it was on its way, she still won't respond back. I had to open a case with etsy to see if the matter can be resolved. I paid. I want my necklace. Seems simple, but a month after ordering, I still have no idea the status of that necklace.
And another example! The first part of February is always a nail biter around here. I am extra tense, cry my eyes out, and simply refuse to breathe until the 13th passes once again. I ordered my Mom flowers from an online site to bring a little beauty into a harsh day. They, too were happy to take my money. But, did my Mom ever get her flowers? No! I could not get the company to return my emails or calls either! I mean the Better Business Bureau better watch out because I am one fired up daughter!
To aid in the joy of the month, the stomach bug hit our house last Saturday. It has looked differently on each of us, but I am so over this! I almost sold tickets to Vomit Fest 2014. I was supposed to sing Sunday, but again, that got thwarted!
And, this morning, our shower nozzle started spraying in all funky directions, including our ceiling which is never a good thing.
Are you laughing? Well, I think I will join you, then!
Sometimes I wonder what is spiritual warfare and what is simply part of living in world that really isn't our home. I can't wait for Jesus to be physical King where friends never leave your group, grief isn't in your vocabulary, all flowers get delivered, the stomach bug never hits, shower ceilings aren't ruined, and meaningful necklaces come in the mail.
It is hard down here. But, Jesus knows what it is like to be us. That brings a smile and a bit of comfort.
In the midst of hardship, I do see beauty all around, though. I celebrate with those who are rejoicing. I have a friend who received an audible word from God. I have a sister in law expecting a baby. I have another friend who had to give up her precious baby for adoption since she had him at a very young age. This gal, almost 19 years later got to meet her son on facetime!!! What joy, to see a part of her heart restored.
Life is hard. But it is also very beautiful.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Sweet Man of Mine!
I think about the flutters in my stomach when we were first falling in love. In a way, I miss the early romantic days, and then the better part of me laughs and says I would much rather have what we have now. We are almost 16 years into this thing called being one and I think we almost have each other figured out. What is scary is that we often are thinking about the same thing at the same time!
I think about what true love is and how it really has nothing to do with flutters in the stomach. I think about how love is patient. I remember how after we lost Kiley, Eric wouldn't push me beyond what I could bear. He was patient when for years I didn't feel like celebrating Valentine's Day.
I think about how love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Eric isn't one to hold onto my past mistakes and throw them back in my face at a later date. He lets things go. He graciously lets me live life, mistakes and all.
I think about how love rejoices with the truth. He has always pointed me towards what I am good at and kindly kept me away from things that aren't my gifting. He sees that love points people to the truth, no matter how hard it is to hear at times.
I think about how love always protects. He isn't over-obsessive about me and for that I am thankful, but I always feel safe in his presence. I know he is bending over backwards to ensure my safety, including small details like making sure we have the right amount of life insurance.
I think about how love perseveres. I have never once thought he might discard me or divorce me. (Maybe its because we literally said 'I will not divorce you' in our vows, ha!) Goodness, marriage is hard! It has its good seasons and its bad seasons. You endure the bad ones not just because you are faithful but because you have hope that a good one is right around the corner. His love has persevered through financial losses, tragedies, and the day to day grind.
Lastly, I think about how love is not self seeking. Just last night, I didn't make enough soup for all the boys to have seconds. (Growing boys!) Eric offered his first bowl of soup to one of the boys. We convinced him to keep it, but he was willing to give it up. Giving up your bowl of potato soup, now that is love!
He is a good, good man. I am so blessed to get to do life with him!
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Thursday, February 13, 2014
6 years {Highways to Zion}
I miss her today but that isn't a new feeling. Kiley is my sister and has a part of my heart that she whisked away to heaven with her 2191 days ago. I ache for that place because a part of me is there already.
I have been thinking about the idea of questing or going on a journey or pilgrimage. I am reading a book where Jesus has called a young girl to be a part of something special, but it involves adventure and possible heartache. She almost chooses the safe route of being a nobody/slave but once she has seen the Savior's face, she knows she must follow him no matter the cost. She doesn't think she likes adventure but Jesus tells her she will soon find out otherwise.
My heart resonates so deeply with that idea. I want to play it safe in my walk, especially if that means I can avoid heartache and disappointment. But, God, has called each of His children to a journey. He wants us moving towards Him at all times. He knows that in this thing called pilgrimage, we are coming to know His heart more purely.
I was reminded of Psalm 84:5-7 this morning. "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion."
Let me unpack that a little: Our strength must be in Christ alone. There is a "Christian cliché" going around right now that is a bold-faced lie. It says that "God won't give you any more than you can handle." It simply isn't true. When my sister took her life, it was more than I could handle. When we lost our baby, it was more than I could handle. There are countless examples in my life where the circumstances were more than I could handle. The cliché is in reference to 1 Corinthians which is specifically talking about resisting temptation. The verse is about God providing a way of escape when we are tempted.
So, back to strength. When the rug is yanked out from under us and we have no strength left, that is a precious place to be. Our strength was never meant to be in ourselves, but in our only Hope, Jesus. I have wrestled with doubt, depression, fear, and simply feeling paralyzed. I need to know in those moments that it is God who holds our relationship in tact. I need to know that it is His strength that is literally gracing me through each moment. I need to know that if I am acting either as the Prodigal or the Older son, that I always have a place at the Father's knees, with His hand resting upon my weary head.
The next part says that their hearts are on the highways to Zion. The Jews were required to make a pilgrimage to the temple at certain feasts during the year. While it was obligatory, the psalmist is clear that his heart is in the right place. It isn't burdensome to follow after the Master, it is a joy.
Like Believers today, the Jews often had to pass through the Valley of Baca ("weeping") in order to get to their destination of Zion (Zion can symbolize Heaven for us). The psalmist has accepted that he is on a journey because he has seen the goodness of God and wants a taste of that no matter how difficult the pilgrimage. He fights through the sorrow and decides to make it a place of springs simply because it is Jesus He is following. The joy of knowing the Redeemer makes all the ache of life worth it. In the deepest recesses of his heart, he knows that one day, beauty will indeed arise from the ashes.
Lastly, they go from strength to strength until they see God in Zion. The ESV commentary states that they "keep on finding new levels of strength for the journey." I'd like to think that from one trial to the next, they know the Father's affection for them a bit more, which provides new strength for the next trial.
Six years. God has sustained me and allowed me to go from strength to strength. In the beginning, this meant He simply allowed me to take one breath after another when I couldn't breathe at all.
He is faithful. He is good. I will see her again.
I'd like to think that after cheering her through learning to walk, showing cattle, prom, graduations, mission trips, walking with Christ, and settling into a career that the roles have now been reversed. I'd like to think that she is sitting in His presence and cheering me on now. Keep the faith! The reward is more than you ever dreamed! You can do this! One foot in front of the other! I promise it is all worth it!
I am envious of where you are, Kiley Elisabeth. A single breath in God's courts is better than a lifetime down here. We will have ourselves a nice little never-ending celebration one day.
"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved." Romans 10:9-10
Believe in Jesus. He is worth the ache and the journey. He is everything.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Praise in the Storm {almost 6 years}
Pick any of the previous post's pictures of Asher and it would describe how I am doing. The first six weeks of the year haunt and taunt and culminate into this huge climax of the week we are once again living and reliving. God heals, yes. But tears still fall. Somehow, it is an achingly beautiful and sacred dance of His sovereignty and my frailty.
What has hurt me the most these past few weeks is that Kiley not only left us six years ago, but chose to leave.
You simply can't grasp the condemnation and rejection unless you have lived it.
Last fall, I had a dream that literally left me crying. In the dream, we discovered that Kiley had somehow faked her death in order to run away from home so that we would never bother her again. I found out she was alive and went to find her. She was beautiful as always and looked so happy. I begged and begged her to come home to us but she refused and said she was better off. In the dream, she walked away. She didn't even look back.
The rejection stung so badly that I woke up sobbing.
Kiley always had a desire that she would one day dance in the rain with the one she loves. Later last fall, I found myself in a new gift shop downtown. I almost gasped when my eyes fell upon a certain painting. It was my sister on canvas. She had an umbrella in hand and was walking away. Her face could not be seen. But, her bouncy dark brown hair was in a ponytail and the colors all around were bright. I never knew a painting could haunt my soul so deeply.
I couldn't afford the painting, but this image gives you an idea of the emotion of the other painting in the store.
Carefree and in love with life.
But still walking away from me.
I guess after six years, that is where my heart is.
I know she is happy and better off.
But, what I wouldn't give for her to simply glance back at me.
After six years, the ache boils to the surface as if it were as fresh as ever. But, God has taught me one thing. Praise Him in the storm. Day by day. Year by year. Until my faith shall be my eyes.
What has hurt me the most these past few weeks is that Kiley not only left us six years ago, but chose to leave.
You simply can't grasp the condemnation and rejection unless you have lived it.
Last fall, I had a dream that literally left me crying. In the dream, we discovered that Kiley had somehow faked her death in order to run away from home so that we would never bother her again. I found out she was alive and went to find her. She was beautiful as always and looked so happy. I begged and begged her to come home to us but she refused and said she was better off. In the dream, she walked away. She didn't even look back.
The rejection stung so badly that I woke up sobbing.
Kiley always had a desire that she would one day dance in the rain with the one she loves. Later last fall, I found myself in a new gift shop downtown. I almost gasped when my eyes fell upon a certain painting. It was my sister on canvas. She had an umbrella in hand and was walking away. Her face could not be seen. But, her bouncy dark brown hair was in a ponytail and the colors all around were bright. I never knew a painting could haunt my soul so deeply.
I couldn't afford the painting, but this image gives you an idea of the emotion of the other painting in the store.
Carefree and in love with life.
But still walking away from me.
I guess after six years, that is where my heart is.
I know she is happy and better off.
But, what I wouldn't give for her to simply glance back at me.
After six years, the ache boils to the surface as if it were as fresh as ever. But, God has taught me one thing. Praise Him in the storm. Day by day. Year by year. Until my faith shall be my eyes.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This
Poor thing just wasn't feeling it for our little session. Call it his age (wants to be mobile) or teeth coming in, but Asher was not his happy little self. Not every day is sunshine and roses!
Saturday, February 8, 2014
9 months (My Funny Valentine)
Funny how 9 months outside the womb goes so much faster than the 9 months it takes you to grow a little human! We are so blessed to have this sweet fella. Asher, these are things I want to remember!
*You are starting to use your hands more and more. You are even starting to sign "all done" and "more" while eating. This is usually after you have thrown a huge fit and I encourage you to sign instead of using your anger skills.
*Which leads me to this: you are a passionate little boy. Most of the time, you are easy going and so sweet but you are definitely coming to the age where things frustrate you...like me not getting your baby food ready fast enough for your liking. You are starting to really voice your opinion on things which leads to a bit of, umm, shall we say...screaming! We are trying to nip that in the bud!
*When I get you up after nighttime and naps, we open your door and you start jumping up in my arms and looking all around trying to spot your brothers. It's a sad day if they have already gone to school!
*You have an orange nose all the time. What can I say, you love your veggies!
*Your independence level has sky rocketed the last month. You rush through nursing as if you don't have time for such trivial things. You play in your bed and talk to yourself after your nap which is nice! You reach for who you want to hold you. You hate confinement...but that doesn't mean we don't confine you at times!
*You wear 12 month clothes and size 3 diaper. You go to the doctor next week...can't wait to see your weight and height stats!
*You will snuggle under mine and Eric's chins. You know how to lean in for kisses. You sometimes open your mouth big and then lean in for a kiss.
*You have those three brothers wrapped around your little finger.
*You love your "puppy" ride on toy, little Elmo, stuffed monkey, chew toys, and balls. You like to read board books and hit the pages. You are starting to find the tag on your blanket. As soon as you get it, the thumb goes in your mouth. (Just like Eli!)
*These days have gone so quickly. I feel like the "baby" days of snuggling are quickly coming to an end. Lord, give us grace to parent Asher well as we move more into the discipline and training phase. (sniff sniff) Give Asher an obedient and teachable heart. Thank you Lord for the blessing he is to all of us.
Here is my Funny Valentine...
This look says, "Gee, no one ever told me I had superpowers."
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
The Biggest Loser
Did you watch it? Last night was the most fun, cuddled up with my husband while watching The Biggest Loser finale. The results are always so fun! I mean people usually lose half of themselves! Eric and I cheered and roared all the way until Rachel came out on stage.
And, then our jaws dropped. And, apparently, it was all Jillian could do to keep hers from dropping. But, the look she gave Bob gave herself away.
In that one glance, we knew what the trainers knew.
Rachel had gone too far.
I love the show and what it represents. I love that it gets to the root of the matter...there is usually a spiritual heart issue that needs resolved before the weight can come off. I love that inward healing often brings outward healing.
But, The Biggest Loser may be in a bit of trouble after last night?
What are they to do when a contestant goes from one extreme of obesity to the other extreme of being too thin. (I won't call it anorexia because I refuse to label her that way if that is not her issue. But, there is an issue that must be dealt with.)
So, what is the issue? I think there are at least three.
First, body image. How thin is too thin? What mentally is going through Rachel's head to think that she must be that thin? She went from 260 pounds to 105 pounds. She lost over 60% of her body weight. What number for her will ever be thin enough? Will she stop here? Will she feel freedom to put back on some weight now that she has won?
Which brings me to the second issue: money. The contestants are in it for money. I am telling you first hand that losing weight is a hard journey. I totally agree that you might need some incentive to keep going. But, when that much money is at stake, will people starve themselves in order to set themselves up for a better financial life?
The third issue is how The Biggest Loser runs the show. It never has seemed fair to me that they make men compete against women. In general the men always have a better advantage because they start off larger, and are usually able to take more off percentage wise. What if Rachel ran some numbers, and realized that in order to beat the other two male finalists, she would simply have to get down to 100-ish pounds. I had a 100 pound friend in high school. They wouldn't even let her give blood when the blood drive came around.
So, did you watch the show? What were your thoughts? Did she go too far? Is she healthy? Are there things that The Biggest Loser can modify in the future in order to set everyone up for long term success?
And, then our jaws dropped. And, apparently, it was all Jillian could do to keep hers from dropping. But, the look she gave Bob gave herself away.
In that one glance, we knew what the trainers knew.
Rachel had gone too far.
I love the show and what it represents. I love that it gets to the root of the matter...there is usually a spiritual heart issue that needs resolved before the weight can come off. I love that inward healing often brings outward healing.
But, The Biggest Loser may be in a bit of trouble after last night?
What are they to do when a contestant goes from one extreme of obesity to the other extreme of being too thin. (I won't call it anorexia because I refuse to label her that way if that is not her issue. But, there is an issue that must be dealt with.)
So, what is the issue? I think there are at least three.
First, body image. How thin is too thin? What mentally is going through Rachel's head to think that she must be that thin? She went from 260 pounds to 105 pounds. She lost over 60% of her body weight. What number for her will ever be thin enough? Will she stop here? Will she feel freedom to put back on some weight now that she has won?
Which brings me to the second issue: money. The contestants are in it for money. I am telling you first hand that losing weight is a hard journey. I totally agree that you might need some incentive to keep going. But, when that much money is at stake, will people starve themselves in order to set themselves up for a better financial life?
The third issue is how The Biggest Loser runs the show. It never has seemed fair to me that they make men compete against women. In general the men always have a better advantage because they start off larger, and are usually able to take more off percentage wise. What if Rachel ran some numbers, and realized that in order to beat the other two male finalists, she would simply have to get down to 100-ish pounds. I had a 100 pound friend in high school. They wouldn't even let her give blood when the blood drive came around.
So, did you watch the show? What were your thoughts? Did she go too far? Is she healthy? Are there things that The Biggest Loser can modify in the future in order to set everyone up for long term success?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
