Friday, January 2, 2015

In Need of Mercy

I sat in the bathroom after lunch today and sobbed.  You could do this differently, you know. There is still time!  Pala!  Bring about that wonderful miracle that only you could do.  We'd give you all the glory! But not my will but yours.  Not my will but yours. Mercy, Lord.  We need to be bathed in mercy.

It looks like the last days of Herb Stuart's life are upon us.  I don't even feel right typing those words.  Only God gives breath and takes away breath.  Life is just so God-given and sacred.

After much labored breathing the last two days, the doctor said not much could be done for him in the hospital, so hospice should come in today.

Eric has been our rock through all of this.  He has shouldered the anger, spiritual questions, financial decisions, and ache.  His strength has carried so many of us these past months.  I am so proud of him and just so utterly in love with him. It hurts as his wife to know he needs to break down and grieve with the rest of us. The strength God gives to men to lead during trying times blows me away.  All I can do is cry.

Herb has not only lived a life worth emulating but he sure fought his last fight with honor.  He has not complained nor gone the route of anger.  He knows every breath is from God and I think he is ready to see victory and the Beautiful Victor.

There are no words for how much I respect this man and have been blessed to have been his daughter in law.  He has taught me so many freeing spiritual truths.  He has loved my boys like his own.  He has been the one to ensure my safety and sanity while Eric has traveled through the years. We have the same personalities and I often think he is the only one on the Stuart side that gets me.  I feel like we are being cheated out of so much and most days I want to throw myself into the floor, screaming like a two year old.

Grace.  Grace will carry him over to the Father.  Grace will sustain us.  I know this.  I have lived this.

Family will be coming in these next days.  Words will be spoken that will hopefully carry us over until we can speak with him on the Beautiful side.

We could use some mercy.

However God wants to dish that out, we could use mercy.

Would you pray for mercy?


Anonymous said...

Have been. Will be. d.hogue

Jamie said...

My heart is breaking with you and for you. Praying! J. Ryan

Stacye Austin said...

Absolutely. This breaks my heart, Becke. Praying for you all.

LBT said...

Praying Becke, for all of you.
Laura & Bryan

Anonymous said...

What a legacy God has used Herb to establish! What a tribute you have written! Praying for Mercy and Grace during this time.

Shane Wanamaker

Cassie Booth said...

So sad today. My heart is breaking with you. Love y'all.