Singing the Praises {three years}

Can I just sing the praises of Chicken Scallopini for a minute?  White wine, butter, mushrooms, angel hair pasta, chicken dredged in some kind of light floury goodness, capers, cream, a hint of lemon.  I took my first bite last night on our Valentine's date and I think I shed a tear.  Good food does that to me.  Especially when I am not the one to cook it up!  So, I wish you chicken scallopini tonight for Valentine's Day.  Sigh.  I just love Italian food.

Don't worry, I am drinking water.  I am pretty sure I have flushed out every calorie since.  :)

Now, let me segway into yesterday.  February 13, 2011

I saw that date written on the church bulletin and spent the rest of the church service covering up the date so that I wouldn't have to look at it.  It doesn't belong flippantly on some piece of paper as if it is just any other day.  No, that day is sacred to me.

It is the day Kiley met her Maker.  Three years ago.

I had planned on going "home" to be with Mom and Dad, and to visit her graveside, but the snow had other plans.  So, I scheduled a date with my man.  Our first Valentine's date in three years.  Because before this year, I couldn't bring myself to go celebrate while my heart was in such ache.  Eric was very patient with me. 

We sat at dinner laughing at a couple last night that was oogly-googly in love...kissing every few minutes.  I saw that they weren't married.  I looked my husband straight in the eyes and told him that they don't know what love is.  I told him that we do know what love is.  Love is when your spouse loses a loved one, goes into a three year funk, and you are ever by her side, being patient and constant. 

Yes, I know love.  And I am ever grateful for it.

So, back to the day.  My heart kept vacillating between wanting to think about it and not wanting to think about it at all. I managed to get thru part of the morning without knowing what day it was.  And then I almost jammed my eye out with my mascara tube when it hit me.

Worship was the hardest and yet the most sweet.  The tears fell, but they were of relinquishment.  I have no answers.  Three years and still I wonder how God is using this for good and glory.  And yet, all I can do is rest.  What choice do I have?  God tenderly allowed us to sing a song that I don't know very well...but included phrases that He knew would be meaningful to my soul.  Because he knows that February 13th is not just any other day.  Hiding me under his wings.  Going into the valley only to make the ascent.  Yes, God knew.

The hugs and phone calls came from those that have been with me on this journey from the start.  The ones who decided to enter this journey with me, knowing that it would be ugly and messy.  The ones that knew pearls are created from the nasty innards of oysters.  I am grateful for those friends God has put on my path.

He knew I couldn't walk this road alone.

So, today, I sing His praises.  For His grace.  For His mercy.  For His joy.  For bringing me sisterhood when my own sister left.  Today I sing to the One who gives.  And takes away.  And gives again.

My heart is full.  Sad still, but full.  I guess that is a good place to be.

Tonight I will stare into three pairs of beautiful female eyes as I tell them how priceless they are in God's sight.  I will show them the nasty innards of oysters and then gift them with pearls.

I will tell them that Jesus died to prove that they are worth loving.

And that He can always create something beautiful out of the nastiest mess ever.