The Forsaken Gem

A few weeks ago, Cade's class did a special presentation of a song that had been set to sign language. His class surrounded the cross, laid down their crowns, and then performed something that was nothing short of pure worship. It still brings tears to my eyes. When they were through, the kids passed out small gemstones...a small reminder of who we are in Christ.

At the moment, I knew that the tiny gemstones wouldn't make it very long in boyland. Today, that assumption became reality. As I was sweeping, a bright hot pink sparkle caught my eye. It was covered in dirt, crumbs, and dog hair. It was the gemstone. Cast aside. Forgotten. God gave me a mental picture of how I feel right now in life.

I just want Him to look upon me in remembrance. Favor. To have Jesus silent is like death to my soul. I feel forsaken. My soul is starved for a fresh word. I just want a mighty hand to reach down amongst the dirt of life and pick me up. Dust me off. Tell me once again that I have value and significance.

I just can't even tell you what kind of desert we have been in for the past couple of years. If not grief, then financial hardship. If not financial hardship, then grief. The soul gets weary after awhile and we have been tempted to throw our hands up at God and scream, "Are you with us, or not?" I believe that it is in His character to be strong and mighty to save. I am just ready to praise Him for the manifestation of that character. And yet, God is telling me to praise Him even when my circumstances don't match what the Word says.

Psalm 83:1 says "God, don't shut me out; don't give me the silent treatment, O God." I think that may be my worse fear: that God would one day stop talking and never resume. It would strip away the very essence of what I know as joy and life. I know His word says otherwise...that He will never leave or forsake us. But, when He remains silent, when there seems to be no 'abundance left in His wake,' then I tremble with thoughts that just maybe, I have been forgotten. I know deep down it isn't true, but the feelings still surface and I feel like the hot pink gem cast aside in a pile of dirt.

And, so, I quote scripture to get the whole truth of the matter to override my feelings.

"The Lord remembers us and will bless us...he will bless those who fear the Lord, small and great alike."

"He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand."

"But you, O Sovereign Lord, deal well with me for your name's sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me...save me in accordance with your love...for you stand at the right hand of the needy one."

The faith of many people I know seems to be getting a healthy dose of "testing." Will we throw up our hands and say "fu-getta-bout-it" or will we choose to be steadfast, even when everything around us says otherwise.

I am a gem cast aside in a pile of dirt. I live in a world that isn't my true home. But, one day, God's mighty arm will reach down and yank me out of here. The sooner the better, Lord. The sooner the better.