Wednesday, August 4, 2010

On my heart...

I have felt at a loss as to how to read the Bible and approach the Ancient of Days. I have felt convicted of my "flip" method of bible know, where you randomly open the pages, praying for God to speak a fresh word. He has graciously spoken to me in the past when I do just that, but I feel like I need to approach His Word with more reverence. With more purpose. With more discipline. With more of a desire to learn what He is saying in the passage that may or may not apply to my life.

I feel like I need a better vision on how to do this. But I am at a loss.

In the desperation of not knowing how to approach His Holy Word, I have let Satan whisper into my soul that I am a wretch and not worthy of reading His words because I don't do it the "right" way...whatever that right way is. Therefore, I have neglected His Word more and more because I don't want to offend the Most High. It is warfare, for sure. Satan will do anything to keep us from seeking Him...and that has been his latest trick with me.

I am not falling for it anymore.

I need God to tell me how He and I are going to do this thing called abiding. I need to be more purposeful in my study and prayer life. And yet, somehow, I don't need to fall into the trap of a list of rules. I want this journey of knowing Jesus deeper and deeper to be all about faith. Because we know that a list of rules meant to be perfectly kept will always fall short of His glory.

In the past, the Holy Spirit will often whisper a certain theme or topic upon my heart. I will research it to the best of my ability and praise Him for teaching me something new about our Redeemer. Right now, that topic concerns a particular name of God: Jealous. Let's just say I am quite convicted over here in this hot living room.

But when I am not researching something in particular, I sometimes feel at a loss. I just want to know Jesus as much as possible and not lose reverence in the process. Does that make sense?

I am tossing around the idea of buying an ESV (English Standard Version) study bible. Have you heard of this? Do you have one? Do you love it? It is supposed to be a perfect combination of "story telling" with "accurate word translation." I don't believe He speaks just in one version of the Bible...sometimes He will speak different things to me in various translations. But, I am curious about the ESV.

That is my heart today...wanting to know the Trinity as much as possible...wanting to do it with reverence and purpose...and wanting to do it in the way the Father desires. (And wanting Satan to get off my back.)

Praying He makes that path clear...


Heather said...

Becke, I am often at a loss for how to study his word also. I was the PK, I've heard it all. That's seems to be my attitude anyway. Recently my M-I-L suggested a book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I wasn't sure about it at first, but I have LOVED it. It has shed a new light on Jesus for me. It's a year long devotional book that takes about 5-10 min a day (perfect for this busy mommy).

The Lowery Family said...

hey Becke' - the church that Ben and I go to uses the ESV to preach from, and I have really enjoyed it. The Bible I have is not ESV, but I am thinking that will be the next one I purchase. I feel so overwhelmed at times with how to study the Bible. I have been doing the Fellowship Journal (Fellowship Bible Church). They send me a daily email with passages and one of the staff members has talked about those verses . It has helped me be more consistent. Love reading your blog and seeing your pics.