Ariel and the Reason I Blog

I was a shy girl. I remember my Dad offering a "penny for my thoughts" when I was in high school. Sharing my heart was never easy. Spoken words never spilled forth with ease and I was often left with way too much on my mind and in my heart. I wasn't the dysfunctional type in crowds, but I definitely kept my thoughts to myself. I don't know why, exactly, but God started a work in me and revealed some things to me in the winter of 2003.

2003 was a difficult year for our family. Eric had started a business that never quite took off and was later without income for a few months. It was a year of being restless at church, not knowing where to serve and not really caring. It was a year where I had some wounds from lack of being "heard" by those around me. Amazingly, God took this difficult year and primarily through John Eldredge's book, "Waking the Dead," He proceeded to do just that.

God showed me tremendous things through this book. All of his books are excellent...pick any of them up and your heart will go through some sort of surgery. No one ever wants to go into heart surgery, but afterwards, when your heart starts to beat the way it was meant to, the pain becomes worth it.

One of the things that Eldredge points out in this particular book is that we all resonate with myths and fairy tales. We all love Biblical characters....especially the ones that seem "really human" and tend to mess up. Eldredge says there are characters that we always resonate with, and this is because they contain some hint or glimpse into our true selves.

I kind of laughed at this concept at first...even if I was an English major and I had spent my whole college career dissecting characters. I mean, who on earth was I to compare myself to? Cinderella? No, I didn't have a wicked stepmother. Rahab? No, I wasn't a prostitute nor did I have the courage to do what she did. And then the Spirit laid it on me so heavy I couldn't believe I had never thought of it. I was Ariel from the Little Mermaid. (Go ahead and laugh, but this is my heart I am sharing!)

We all see Ariel as this happy mermaid who sings happy songs until she is removed from the safe environment of her watery home. Now I know she "sold her right to sing" so she could become human, but hang with me so I can share why I resonate with this character. Ariel was in love with Prince Eric (yes, that is my husband's name!) and she wanted to offer her love. She got in front of those she loved and wanted to love and became mute. The enemy, Ursula, had stripped her of the ability to communicate . My enemy, Satan, has tried to strip me of that ability my whole life. Whether it be for fear of not being listened to, or fear of my heart being exposed and stomped on, or fear of offending someone, I often remained silent. The trade off was that I had nothing in my heart to offer and Satan preyed on that by telling me I was worthless.

I was also at a place in church where I wasn't singing...and that was crippling for me. If I couldn't lead others in worship, then I might as well be mute.

I have lived in fear of not being able to say the right thing when others hurt or are seeking guidance. I have lived in fear of toning down my words for fear of stepping on some one's toes. I have lived in fear of other's knowing what goes on in my little heart that seems so fragile at times.

In December of 2003, at 5:45 a.m., God showed me all of this and started to redeem it. I prayed this prayer...simply reciting Eldredge's words:

"Call me to believe that there is something beautiful and valiant that You have placed deep within me that my husband, my friends, that this world needs. Call me to believe that the effect of my life is goodness and light and life, not darkness and contempt and irritation. May I start offering my heart--start to say NO to the voice of the enemy that calls me to fearfully tone down, edit, control my words and my actions for fear of offending or bringing on rejection and shame. Instead, may I step out and share what I see of my God. May I choose to offer my presence, my heart, and my love, instead of trying endlessly to figure out what else I should offer. May I choose to believe I am loved and safe with my God."

What started 5 years ago is still a work in progress. I am at least mindful of how Satan attacks my thought processes in this area. I have become much more vocal for the Kingdom...even if it is just in writing. So, this is why I blog. There is glory in all of us. I know that sounds proud at first, but if we are created in His image, then it is true. Romans 8:30 says that "Those he justified, he also glorified." Psalm 16:3 says, "As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight." Eldredge says our glory is a reflected glory...a grace given to each of us.

Can you see the glory inside? The things that are unique just to you? As Eldredge would say, ask God some questions: "God, who am I"..."What do you think of me?"..."What's my real name?" (He told me my name, but that is between He and I...and no, it isn't Ariel!)

I will end with this last quote..."Most of us are afraid of our guidance, our intuition, our hunches, we try to close our minds to them, thereby increasing our restlessness and losing the benefit of the heavenly warning that would tell us when and how to pray."